


Compromise

by little0bird



Series: Stolen Time [8]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-11
Updated: 2019-08-11
Packaged: 2020-08-19 12:33:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,758
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20209804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/little0bird/pseuds/little0bird





	1. A Question of Surroundings

The first thing Severus Snape saw was a pair of bright green eyes. He blinked several times to clear his cloudy vision, thinking it was just Harry, that he hadn't died in a pool of his own blood – he'd just passed out. He visibly started as Lily came into view. 'I died.'

'Yes.'

Severus slowly sat up, glancing around his unfamiliar surroundings, his hand automatically darting to his neck, where the distinct puncture wounds were fading into nothingness. It was decidedly peaceful. Tranquil, even. Not something Severus had ever known in his life. He rubbed his still-pounding head, unsure of what to say next. His mouth worked soundlessly for several moments. 'It was like looking at you every day,' he said softly. 'Those eyes…' He shook his head slowly. 'Seeing the hatred and loathing from your eyes, day in and day out.'

Lily sighed and lowered herself to the ground, grateful for once that time had its own flow here. 'Did you have to be so shirty with him all the time, Sev?'

Severus' eyes closed painfully. 'I had to. Surely you ought to know how extraordinarily difficult it is to play both sides?'

'You were total crap as a teacher,' Lily snorted.

'I was not!' Severus, exclaimed, stung.

'Yes, you were.' Lily flipped her hair over her shoulder. 'You always forgot that everyone didn't know as much as you. Especially first year students. I've seen Harry do potions work. He's not bad. Not as good as I was, of course,' she added. 'But I was better than even you,' she said smugly. 'All he needed was a good foundation with it. That was all most of them needed. Something you rather neglected to do,' Lily pointed out.

'As always, you have a way of pointing out my shortcomings in a way nobody else can,' Severus said sardonically.

'If your friends can't do that, who can?' Lily asked flippantly.

'Are we?'

'It wasn't you I disliked, Sev. It was your choices.' Lily glanced over her shoulder, suddenly tense. 'I have to go…' Without another word, she scurried away, her strides lengthening until she was running headlong toward something.

Severus sighed and took the opportunity to examine his situation more closely, without the added distraction of Lily.

It was beautiful.

He cautiously got to his feet and began to pace around restlessly. With a pang, he thought of Charity Burbage. He could see her pleading eyes, begging him for succor that he had been unable to provide.

He had known Charity for over a decade. He'd shared meals with her, the occasional glass of wine or mead during a holiday. She was a kind soul who never had a shred of malice for anyone. Not even for the people who could spew the most rancorous hate-filled invective against Muggles.

'I don't deserve this…' he murmured piteously, feeling even more disgusted with himself now than he had when he was alive.


	2. Just Deserts

Severus hovered uncertainly on the edge the valley, waiting for Lily to return. He wondered what had taken her away so suddenly, wincing when a great bolt of lightening bisected the sky, shattering the peaceful tranquility. It left a decidedly bitter taste in Serverus' mouth. He didn't notice the other man who had joined him until he spoke. 'Well?'

Severus turned sharply, coming face-to-face with Albus Dumbledore. 'This is…' Severus shrugged irritably. 'Why am I here?'

'Where were you supposed to go?' Dumbledore asked lightly.

'Not this.' Severus waved a hand at the valley. 'I don't…'

'None of us do, Severus,' Dumbledore said gently. 'Or at least we don't think we do.'

Severus hunched his shoulders and strode away. 'And I least of all,' he said with a glower. He walked endless miles until he found somewhere suitable for his mood.

How long he occupied the jagged boulder, staring over a windswept barren, he did not know. He was lost in thought, something that had become a rather uncomfortable habit lately, as it severely limited his awareness of his environment. 'You think you're the only one?' Lily said softly, clambering up to sit next to him. 'You think you're the only one who doesn't deserve something nice?' She shook her head, her bright eyes clouded with sadness. 'I let my son be raised by my sister and her bloody lout of a husband. I let him suffer untold abuse at the hands of his own relatives.'

'You didn't –' Severus began. He was cut off abruptly by Lily.

'I had a choice,' she spat.

'You would have died either way,' Severus said bluntly. 'Your way was better in the long run.'

'Why were you so horrid to him?' she asked plaintively.

'I had to be,' he said coldly. 'Do you think I would have lived long enough to get him to where he is now, if I'd let myself be swayed by the fact he's your son?' Severus drew his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around them, in an unconscious echo of his childhood. 'It was never about him,' he added.

'And that justifies how you treated him?' Lily retorted indignantly.

Severus clutched his hair in his hands. 'No,' he admitted, feeling as if the one word had been ripped from his chest. 'I didn't care about him,' he grunted. 'It was for you…' Heaving a sigh, Severus tipped his head back to gaze at the sky overhead. 'And yet another sin to add to the veritable catalogue of why I don't deserve this.'

'You haven't learned anything, have you?' Lily slid off the boulder and stalked off.

Severus rested his forehead on his knees, his hair swinging forward, effectively blocking his view of the area around him. He didn't see James cautiously approach, but he heard him slide onto the boulder next to him. Severus straightened up warily. He didn't have the best relationship with James in life, and he wasn't sure how James would react to his presence. Severus glanced at James sideways, wondering why he was there. He resolved to keep silent.  _ He can speak first… _

Several times that long day, James acted as if he was about to speak, but it wasn't until the sun began to set, casting long shadows over the valley did he grudgingly mutter, 'Thank you. For my son.'

Severus nodded, shrugging a little. He had seen Lily from the corner of his eye and thought she might have forced James to do it. Watching her go off with James left a bitter taste of bile in the back of his throat.

* * *

The rain didn't surprise Severus. He considered it appropriate that his funeral was beset by rain and a pervasive chill, when the others' had absurdly sunny days. He wasn't even surprised by the lack of attendees. It was only to be expected. He was a traitor as far as the rest of the wizarding world was concerned.

What surprised him was that Harry had undertaken the responsibility to bury him.

What surprised him more was how much it hadn't bothered him.

* * *

He mainly kept to himself as he had in life, but one day, unable to stand it any longer, he sought out Dumbledore. 'Why?'

'Why what?'

'Why did I end up… here?'

Dumbledore sighed and began stroking his beard. 'As much as you think you don't deserve this, Severus, in some ways, you still remain a prisoner of your own guilt.'

'I don't understand…'

'Ah. You haven't seen yourself, have you?'

'No.'

Dumbledore tilted his head back and gazed at the stars overhead. 'You receive what you deserve here, Severus, do not doubt that.'

'What does seeing myself have to do with that?'

'Surely you've noticed the others?'

Severus shook his head. 'I have not.'

'Suffice to say, Severus, that you do, indeed, receive your just deserts.' With that mysterious pronouncement, Dumbledore strode away, deliberately shaking the sleeve of his robes back, his right hand clearly visible.

It was whole.

For the next several days, Severus skulked on the edges of the valley and the surrounding areas. He noticed Sirius first. Sirius had borne the ravages of the long years of imprisonment when alive, but he looked like he should have when he died, had he never been in Azkaban.

Remus was unscarred, seemingly untouched by his lycanthropy. And as far as Severus could tell, the full moon had come and gone, and Remus was completely oblivious to it. The lines of worry that had begun to etch themselves into Nymphdora's face two years ago were gone.

Prodded by Dumbledore's inquiry as to whether or not he'd seen himself, Severus found a clear, still pool of water, and leaned over it.

He looked exactly the same. The puncture wounds that had marred his neck after Nagini had bitten him were mere shadows, but there were still there all the same. Severus raised a hand and slowly traced the furrows that snaked their way over his face.

'Do you understand now?'

Severus turned sharply. Lily was standing behind him. She crammed her hands into the pockets of her skirt. 'You sacrificed so much, Sev. Everything, really. And you lost everything.' She paused and darted a glance at him from her corner of her eye. 'You weren't quite as altruistic in your methodologies as you could have been though. Something I don't necessarily agree with, but you still made it possible for my son to survive.'

'I was under the impression that he did that himself.'

'You got him there.' At Severus' confused look, Lily sighed and shook her head. 'You still don't get it.' She settled on the ground, tucking her skirt around her knees. 'Take Remus for example,' she began. 'Even though I know it's going to kill you.' Lily's mouth twitched. 'If you weren't already dead.'

Severus shot her a look that bordered on disgust. 'You find this amusing?' He folded himself to the ground next to Lily.

'You have to. As I was saying, Remus did nothing to deserve becoming a werewolf, so why should he be punished with it now? Did he make mistakes? Of course. Will he pay for them?' Lily shrugged. 'That's up to Remus and his conscience.' She gently touched the back of Severus' hand. 'And the same goes for you. Fate, or God, or whatever – if you believe in something like that – thinks you ought to be here. You think you deserve something less… pleasant.' Lily gazed at the sun-drenched valley for a moment. 'You're a compromise, Sev.' She got to her feet. 'Like the rest of us.'


End file.
